Self Doubt

Last night was one of those nights where bad thoughts come flooding in my mind, like toxic chemical poisoning my whole system. It was bringing me down. I kept pointing at all my flaws and all my failures and thinking “will I ever be enough?”

It came to a point where I was fighting with my boyfriend because I felt like he was always making excuses not to be with me. I felt like I’m never fun to be around with. When the truth is, he just can’t always make it and that’s not his fault. I also fought with him because I didn’t believe someone as good as him could love the mess that I am.

Again, I was focusing on my failures and it’s hurting him too.

And I apologized and confessed I was self doubting.

He just said to me, “Ayaw ni Lord ng nag sself doubt.”

And I froze. Of course, he’s right. I was wonderfully and fearfully made by the king of the kings himself. And to doubt a creation that He made is just like hurting the One who loves me the most. The tears that I have been preventing from coming down fell out from my eye sockets. I feel really bad. I had been awful to myself and to the One who created me.

Self doubt only causes harm and it convinces us to feel as though we aren’t as gifted as other people. Sure enough, we see other people that look better than us, and have made major accomplishments that are greater than what we have achieved so far, but that’s only because we always try to compare and we shouldn’t.

Because each of us is unique. We are made, one by one, to tell a different story and to inspire each other to grow, not to tear ourselves down. So focus on the truth and remember that all of His work are beautiful, including us.

Psalm 139:14

P.S.
I want to thank my boyfriend for reminding me this. I love him so much. 

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